[ It might be messed up, but it's not like Peony doesn't have similar sentiments. As much as she'd spent her first few weeks in Koriko feeling like a prisoner, there's also a part of her that can't help but respond to a possessive gesture like this. Maybe her first instinct is still to run away -- even though she's been working on that! she's been trying so hard! -- but it'd be lying to pretend there's a part of her that's greedy for gestures like this. Someone reaching out for her, someone holding her back from leaving...
From most people, she'd hate it; she'd certainly had her share of both avoiding and extracting herself from situations like this when she'd worked as a housekeeper in Japan. But from him, she's completely willing to be trapped.
She curls her tail into her lap, fussing with it more out of a vague desire to do something with her hands than any kind of unease. ]
Mm... I'm sorry if I ever did, too. But, you know, even if I act like that, it's not what I want at all. I've always wanted you around.
...Even before. Even in high school, I'd sometimes think, "wouldn't it be nice if we could live together, somehow?"
[We'll still be together. He always planned for their lives to continue to overlap. Perhaps not in the way Peony dreamt of, and certainly not in the way they all turned out, but even now he can't think of any kind of life without either of them in it. He'll deal with it when it happens.]
We all wanted the same thing and were too damn stupid to figure it out. [At least, to figure out the true extent of how much they wanted to be together. How different would their lives be now if they did? How different would the world be?
It doesn't really matter now. He hugs her tightly around the shoulders, closing his eyes.]
I guess what we've got now is close enough. Better late than never. Now you even have two of me to worry about...
[ She twists a little in his lap when his arm goes around her shoulders. It's not to get free, but to press herself closer, her own arms going around him in turn. If she ducks her head just a bit further, she can press her ear against his heart. That sounds nice, in multiple ways.
It does mean she tucks up smaller against him, but once in a while -- more often now after Despair -- Peony likes the illusion of being sheltered and protected. ]
I love you.
[ The secret is that saying that is actually still kind of strange and embarrassing for her, too -- even with the previous relationship with Icarus, they'd never been one for actually saying it, no matter how much Peony would have liked to have been in the habit of it.
But that part's getting easier. And she doesn't mind the practice, as it were. ]
Mm, as long as you're willing to have me around, I'll always be here. I'm selfish.
[He's got even less experience with being able to just up and say that out loud to anybody, but look! He actually got the words out without choking on them or making a much less direct comment. His heart flutters a bit with shy embarrassment, but it's not a bad feeling. Maybe one day he'll get to just shamelessly spring it on her all the time... That wouldn't make it lose its meaning, right? Not for someone like her.
They sure as hell won't for him. He's certain.]
Don't put yourself down like that... Is it really that selfish just wanting to spend time with someone? [He was plagued by that belief for years, and look what happened! He can't let her think that way too.]
[ Not for him, of course. Or Icarus or Luna, if they wanted it. If any of the four of them asked, there's very little Peony wouldn't give them.
(Even, a small insidious voice in the back of her mind always notes, if they asked her to leave forever. She's getting better about not actively trying to remove herself from an uncomfortable situation, but she still isn't entirely convinced it'll be permanent. Of course she wants it, and she'll fight a challenge from anyone else even herself, if it came to that, but if they told her that... well, best not to dwell on that.)
She tilts her head to look up at him, almost solemn. ]
But when you want it all the time, that's a little more, isn't it?
He looks up at the overhead foliage for a long moment, the leaves barely moving in the heavy summer humidity. Like he'll find the words he's looking for hanging in the branches. Finally his thoughtful look turns into a frown.]
...So what? After everything we've sacrificed, don't we deserve to be selfish for a change? I had a lot of regrets the first time I lost you. Both of you. I want to spend as much time being happy together as we can this time, so don't... Don't decide you're selfish or don't deserve it and run away like he did. I'll be selfish enough to keep you here.
[ Okay, no. Now she squirms harder, trying to twist so she can look him in the eye without actually leaving his lap. Even if she has to fight him a little, she'll do it, just so she can press her forehead to his, lifting her hands to cup his face. Her touch is light, a little shaky.
She's smiling, though teary-eyed. ]
Whatever I deserve, I want you to have the world. ...And if I'm part of that even a little, then I'll consider myself lucky. Okay? If you want me, don't let me go.
Wh- hey, don't look like you're going to cry about it...!
[His grip loosens a little, despite everything. He wants to keep her in his life but he doesn't want to hold her prisoner if she needs to step back and breathe!]
[Any words he has in response are stolen right from his lips by hers. Guess he'll just have to return the sentiment physically, instead. Sorry, cute lunch boxes, but he's shoving them out of the way with his leg as delicately as he can so he can lay back and pull her closer to him.
It's the same kind of reaction he got during their talk about children, too. The promise of a future they can share together... Yeah, he feels the excitement, too.
She loves him. He loves her back. As long as he has that, there's still something good in his life.
[ Lunch can wait! Everything else can wait! Sometimes you just have to put everything else aside for spontaneous bouts of affection. Once he lies back with her, Peony uncurls to stretch out as much as she can on top of him; there's no way she could actually completely blanket or pin him, but at least it's not for lack of trying.
She's smiling almost too much to properly kiss him, though she also tries to deepen it a little once he's settled back. Nothing too serious (yet), but hopefully something that helps demonstrate her enthusiasm for him and his talk about the future.
Maybe it'll be a long while yet before they can be completely settled, but at least they're on the same page here. ]
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From most people, she'd hate it; she'd certainly had her share of both avoiding and extracting herself from situations like this when she'd worked as a housekeeper in Japan. But from him, she's completely willing to be trapped.
She curls her tail into her lap, fussing with it more out of a vague desire to do something with her hands than any kind of unease. ]
Mm... I'm sorry if I ever did, too. But, you know, even if I act like that, it's not what I want at all. I've always wanted you around.
...Even before. Even in high school, I'd sometimes think, "wouldn't it be nice if we could live together, somehow?"
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[We'll still be together. He always planned for their lives to continue to overlap. Perhaps not in the way Peony dreamt of, and certainly not in the way they all turned out, but even now he can't think of any kind of life without either of them in it. He'll deal with it when it happens.]
We all wanted the same thing and were too damn stupid to figure it out. [At least, to figure out the true extent of how much they wanted to be together. How different would their lives be now if they did? How different would the world be?
It doesn't really matter now. He hugs her tightly around the shoulders, closing his eyes.]
I guess what we've got now is close enough. Better late than never. Now you even have two of me to worry about...
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It does mean she tucks up smaller against him, but once in a while -- more often now after Despair -- Peony likes the illusion of being sheltered and protected. ]
I love you.
[ The secret is that saying that is actually still kind of strange and embarrassing for her, too -- even with the previous relationship with Icarus, they'd never been one for actually saying it, no matter how much Peony would have liked to have been in the habit of it.
But that part's getting easier. And she doesn't mind the practice, as it were. ]
Mm, as long as you're willing to have me around, I'll always be here. I'm selfish.
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[He's got even less experience with being able to just up and say that out loud to anybody, but look! He actually got the words out without choking on them or making a much less direct comment. His heart flutters a bit with shy embarrassment, but it's not a bad feeling. Maybe one day he'll get to just shamelessly spring it on her all the time... That wouldn't make it lose its meaning, right? Not for someone like her.
They sure as hell won't for him. He's certain.]
Don't put yourself down like that... Is it really that selfish just wanting to spend time with someone? [He was plagued by that belief for years, and look what happened! He can't let her think that way too.]
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[ Not for him, of course. Or Icarus or Luna, if they wanted it. If any of the four of them asked, there's very little Peony wouldn't give them.
(Even, a small insidious voice in the back of her mind always notes, if they asked her to leave forever. She's getting better about not actively trying to remove herself from an uncomfortable situation, but she still isn't entirely convinced it'll be permanent. Of course she wants it, and she'll fight a challenge from anyone else
even herself, if it came to that, but if they told her that... well, best not to dwell on that.)She tilts her head to look up at him, almost solemn. ]
But when you want it all the time, that's a little more, isn't it?
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He looks up at the overhead foliage for a long moment, the leaves barely moving in the heavy summer humidity. Like he'll find the words he's looking for hanging in the branches. Finally his thoughtful look turns into a frown.]
...So what? After everything we've sacrificed, don't we deserve to be selfish for a change? I had a lot of regrets the first time I lost you. Both of you. I want to spend as much time being happy together as we can this time, so don't... Don't decide you're selfish or don't deserve it and run away like he did. I'll be selfish enough to keep you here.
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[ Okay, no. Now she squirms harder, trying to twist so she can look him in the eye without actually leaving his lap. Even if she has to fight him a little, she'll do it, just so she can press her forehead to his, lifting her hands to cup his face. Her touch is light, a little shaky.
She's smiling, though teary-eyed. ]
Whatever I deserve, I want you to have the world. ...And if I'm part of that even a little, then I'll consider myself lucky. Okay? If you want me, don't let me go.
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[His grip loosens a little, despite everything. He wants to keep her in his life but he doesn't want to hold her prisoner if she needs to step back and breathe!]
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[ What was that about breathing? She's going to kiss him instead, as thoroughly as she can without tongue. Sorry that this is your fate, Mallory. ]
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It's the same kind of reaction he got during their talk about children, too. The promise of a future they can share together... Yeah, he feels the excitement, too.
She loves him. He loves her back. As long as he has that, there's still something good in his life.
It's nice.]
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She's smiling almost too much to properly kiss him, though she also tries to deepen it a little once he's settled back. Nothing too serious (yet), but hopefully something that helps demonstrate her enthusiasm for him and his talk about the future.
Maybe it'll be a long while yet before they can be completely settled, but at least they're on the same page here. ]