[The absurdity of this whole scenario isn't lost on Mal. One might expect romantic rivals to fight over who gets to lay claim to the object of their affections, not over who gets to be the one to push him away. It's like the set-up for a bad sketch comedy, but he can't find the humour in it.
He finally stands, keeping most of his weight on his right leg, and runs his hand through his hair. He wants to keep arguing further, insist that he should have been the one to keep a better eye on her in the first place, because he knew she kept on taking more and more risks, but... No amount of self-blame is going to change what happened. And it's not going to change either of their minds now.
Besides. It's not like any of this is going to change the way Luna feels, and when it comes down to it, that's the only thing that really matters. At least they can agree on that much, right?]
...Let's face it. We both made stupid, selfish mistakes. We both failed him. [And eachother.] He's really better off without either of us dragging him down now.
[ Peony flinches back a little when he gets to his feet. She doesn't mean to, not really, but there is a part of her that remembers him in the alleyway a couple of months ago, and the implicit threat in his parting.
But when all he does is stand and run a hand through his hair, she relaxes. A little. ]
I... I still don't know how you...
[ She has a good guess about what Enoshima had blackmailed him with, but she'd never known for certain. She'd never asked; she'd simply accepted Enoshima's words at face value. Don't worry about him, I've got him handled. You just do your part.
[Yeah, he saw that. Not that he can blame her, when just earlier he expected her to turn on him when his guard was down. He still tenses up when Luna draws his sword; Luna told him flat-out he doesn't trust Mal completely anymore; to say nothing of the suspicion of Peony. But there's no questioning where they went wrong. Not anymore.
Only how to make things right.]
Tch. Who knows? The two of us shouldn't be alive enough to worry about this to begin with. [His hand settles on his hip while he looks her over in consideration.] ...My plan's to work off this debt and do whatever I can to help Luna clear his and get him out of here. Until then, I'll do what I've always done. Hang back and be whatever he needs me to be.
[ Her brows draw together at that in the beginning of a frown, though she's honestly more confused than upset at the moment. ]
Mm, but... you know how he is. When he gets focused, sometimes he won't notice he needs something until it's offered to him. [ Or taken away, though she leaves that part unsaid and just hanging heavily in the air. ] I still think you should tell him.
[ If he does, maybe she can slip away after all. That part she doesn't say aloud, though she keeps her face turned away from him, her shoulders hunched and her arms tight around herself, like she could fold in completely on herself and vanish. ]
[Still? She's always been so damn stubborn when it comes to Luna. But he still can't see how she thinks he's what's best for him.
He bites the inside of his cheek while he considers all the things he knows that she doesn't. Observant or not, it's certainly harder to keep track of things when you're dead. That's what he thinks, anyway.]
...I wonder what he does need...
[Bile burns at the back of his throat, and he turns away from Peony completely.]
After you died, he... he went completely unhinged. [To put it lightly.] He killed the Chairman- he tried to kill me. [And Mal wasn't even useful enough to die for him.] If I couldn't keep him from getting to that state then what good am I? He had every right to toss me aside then. I know it's only a matter of time before he decides to do it again.
[Before she can interject, he clenches his fist and takes a step forward to slam it against the wall. Not through it, thankfully, but it does send a tremor even through the ground.]
Even here, we--! [He can feel his throat constricting tightly around his words, trying to hold them back, but it's too late.] We've-- slept together, and I know it's been you he was wishing for instead- [and it hurts] -and now I don't even need to be a fill-in anymore!
[That fear's been on his mind since Peony showed up. No... even before that, he knew that was all he was, and that one day it would come to an end. He hangs his head, the side of his hand still pressed firmly against the wall.
He really is a big idiot.]
...Like I said. He still loves you. So quit acting like he doesn't.
[ I did know about that, she wants to say. I saw all of it. I saw you save Naegi Makoto's life before you went off to die on your own.
But the words feel locked in her throat; the most she manages is a small startled noise when he hits the wall. There's a part of her, small and old and long dormant, that wants to scold him for doing that. He's already injured; he doesn't need to hurt himself further. With his back turned, he can't see the abortive half-step she takes towards him, but then--
We've slept together, he says, and she comes to an abrupt halt. What does that mean? Does he mean that they've just -- literally just slept together, or is there more to it than that? From his anguish, it really could be either. She knows full well that his feelings for Luna go beyond mere attraction, and it doesn't take someone who knows him well to read his upset.
It doesn't take someone who knows her well, either, to hear how her voice wavers. ]
You can't be too sure of that. He's not... he's never been good at expressing himself.
[ He didn't call her by name until after she'd died. She can't remember the name itself, but she remembers that clearly. ]
[Please. He's watched Luna so intently for - what, eight years? Nine? Exempting his time overseas, but Mal could still perfectly picture his every gesture and expression any time they spoke over the phone. You don't go that long being infatuated with somebody without picking up on all their little nuances.
Yet Luna still caught him so off guard in during the Final Killing Game. Maybe he really doesn't know him like he thought. And hey... None of them caught on to Peony, either.]
...If you're so damn set on it, ask him yourself.
[He doesn't want to hear that rejection firsthand.
He steps back from the wall, turning toward the door.]
Whatever. I'm out of here.
[He knows he shouldn't be walking around too much, but he doesn't want to stay cooped up in here much longer, either. What, and deal with Luna now, after this conversation? Pass. He doesn't really have any destination in mind, but anywhere that isn't here is fine. Maybe he'll go bury himself under a rock again. Ha ha.]
[ Now she skitters after him, and she's not the injured one. It doesn't take much to dash forward and put herself between him and the door and throw her arms open. It's not much of a deterrent, really. Maybe it could have been once, but right now...
Well right now, she'll take that chance. ]
Would you stop -- you shouldn't be up at all! Don't just run away from me!
[Even after all that, there's no way he can physically shove her aside or anything. So he stops and stares down at her, frowning his disapproval instead.]
What now? I'm going to go crazy if I can't at least take a walk.
[He'd rather be working out. Beating on sandbags to distract himself from his thoughts. Punching holes in public property. Anything.]
You're not in any state to be doing that and you know it.
[ She goes up onto her toes a little, like that'd be good enough to match his height. It's more like some very small fluffy dog bristling at a much larger one. ]
You never even told me what happened in the first place.
[It's almost adorable, how she's standing up to him and even trying to intimidate him. And it certainly is fortunate for her that she's one of the only people he will not only take that from, but even respect it... most of the time. This is one of those times when he's more pissed than anything. Hasn't he already been humiliated enough today? Having his secrets dragged out into the open, fighting a losing battle, and now being lectured like some little kid?
Fine. Whatever. He'll deal with this. What else can he do, right?]
I thought I did...? I fell.
[But of course she wants the full story, doesn't she? He sighs. As long as he's been opening up to her about everything else, might as well throw this stupid story out on the table too. Maybe it'll be enough to satisfy her so he can run away already.]
Some shithead of a spirit stuck me and some brat on top of a mountain and we got caught in a landslide. My leg got caught under a rock for a couple of days. The end. But it's not even broken, it's just a 'bone bruise' or whatever.
[ In a landslide?! How can he just say that so casually?! Peony actually stomps a foot at that, bristling like she actually could poof up to twice her size, like some deeply offended little animal. I was stuck in a landslide and my leg was trapped under a rock for several days but I'm just going to walk it off?! What the hell, Mallory!! ]
Y... you... you shouldn't even be on your feet right now! What are you even doing here?! Shouldn't you still be in the -- they have a hospital here, don't they?! Why are you even--
[ After stomping that foot, though, she does shift her weight to something a little more defensive, only to have something sticky catch at the bottom of her shoe.
...that's weird, though, because she definitely mopped after she'd cleaned out all the traps, so what...?
For just a moment, she looks down at the floor, confused. ]
[UUUUGH he knew he should have just... barged right through her anyway, or something. This is exactly why he wanted to just sum it up in such a base way to begin with.]
It's not as bad as you think or I'd still be in that hospital! Believe me...
[Really though, compared to being impaled several times and then chopping his own hand off, it's nothing more than a nuisance. The worst part is already over, so whatever!
What's she even looking at down there, his leg? Nah, not unless she can see through his pants. -Oh. But that's where Ethan made a bit of a mess. Mal made a quick job of trying to clean it, but it's still far from spotless. He's no housekeeper, after all.
Here comes one more thing to be lectured about today, he's sure...]
[ That sounds 100% like her old self, the housekeeper with the discerning eye and ridiculously high standards. She tugs the shoe off to lean against the door to look at what the mess is. ]
--don't think we're done! What is this... strawberry? And--
[ She isn't too familiar with papaya, but she does recognize the third element pretty quickly. ]
[Ahh, shit! Is it? Even to someone like him who's seen so much gore, fresh and rotting alike, it really did look indistinguishable from the fruit carnage. Or maybe he was just distracted. Either way, there's no getting out of this one, either.
Things just keep piling up. He'd like to wake up any moment now and find out this is all some stress dream trying to tell him something, but of course he has no such luck.
Whatever. Just be honest and get this over with.]
That kid was being a little wise-ass, so I roughed him up a little. [No shame here. It's not like it's the first time he's punched a kid.] Made a mess of the fruit he had, too. Real shame...
[ She knows exactly the sort of things he's capable of. Never mind the way he was in the ring all those years ago; she'd seen him kill plenty of people with just his fists. And the fact that there's blood on the floor... that's not exactly comforting either.
Peony lowers her shoe again, stepping back into it. Her posture is more defensive than before, but she also just flat out doesn't like the sound of that. She can remember how nervous Ethan had been when he'd said Luna and Mallory's names -- what sort of things have they been putting that poor boy through? ]
So... because he talked back, you went that far? He's just a kid, Mallory. This isn't -- he's a good boy. He helped me out when I first arrived. He didn't deserve it, no matter what your temper might think.
[Junko Enoshima was 'just a kid,' he wants to snap back. The Student Council, the Reserve Course, your class, those were all 'just kids.' But he doesn't, because even he'll admit it's an unfair comparison to make. He clenches his jaw tightly, looking down at her. He's neither defensive nor intimidating (well, no more than he naturally is), simply standing his ground.]
You should know better than to just trust somebody like that.
[She doesn't even trust him and Luna completely anymore, does she? So why the hell should she put her belief in some brat she's known for a week?]
Something... weird happened, when I hit him. I don't think he's totally harmless.
[ Kinder than her own best friends, in some ways. He'd been friendly and polite and enthusiastic; and maybe some of that was because he had no reason to suspect her, but... it had been nice, to be treated normally. Like she was the person she acts like (the person that she used to be, that she still remembers like a distorted fever dream), not this ghost that she's become.
Peony takes a deep breath, forcing her voice as even as possible. ]
I'm not totally harmless. None of us are. So what? Whatever it is about him, I don't care. At least he doesn't-- [ treat me like the filthy piece of Despair that I am and maybe I want to pretend too sometimes!! ] --at least he doesn't hate being around me.
[She could have slapped him with all her might and it'd leave less of a sting. His shoulders droop in immediate defeat, all the tension just leaving his body. If only it could feel as relaxing as it sounds. His heart is sinking, sinking...
That's what she thinks, huh?
The worst part is he doesn't know if he can deny it. He doesn't hate her, of course. But being around her, being around Luna, being around anyone lately - it's all just a reminder of his mistakes and the things that have hurt him. The people he's hurt. So maybe he does hate it, a little bit.
He exhales deeply, shifting his gaze to the stain at their feet.]
...Fine. I'll get the kid some flowers or something. Happy?
She'd said it half-thoughtlessly, but there's the confirmation of it right there. It's the sort of thing she might've teased him about once upon a time, just to rile him up and get him shouting, but that sort of defeated response says a lot.
Peony knows exactly what it feels like to be stabbed in the heart, and she can say with confidence that it hurt less than this. She wants to cry, but what rises instead is a detached numbness, which is also familiar: she'd felt like this in the few seconds of awareness she'd had, once the knife had slid home and all of that brainwashing -- all of it, all of it -- had broken long enough for her to know exactly what she'd done, to herself and to the people she loved the most.
Not for the first time, she misses her Despair. At least she could have gotten something out of this.
Her voice comes out quiet, small, flat. ]
Mmm. Don't worry about it. Just focus on what's important to you.
[ Luna, obviously. Peony opens the door and then steps away. He's free to go. ]
Be careful with your walk. It'll be bad if you hurt yourself more.
[ And then she wanders past him, towards her bed. ]
[One thing's for sure, he hates being in this room right now. He doesn't offer more than a noncommittal grunt of farewell as he stalks off, unsure if he can muster up the energy to punch a hole in the wall on the way out.
(The boards are still there, crisscrossing over the damage by the stairwell. He could just break them...)
The cherry trees are in full bloom this time of year, and it's with a bittersweet nostalgia that he passes beneath their fluttering cascade. We'll still be together. This wasn't supposed to be how things turned out.
Ah. What a shame that the company he hates most is his own. Guess he's stuck with that one.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He finally stands, keeping most of his weight on his right leg, and runs his hand through his hair. He wants to keep arguing further, insist that he should have been the one to keep a better eye on her in the first place, because he knew she kept on taking more and more risks, but... No amount of self-blame is going to change what happened. And it's not going to change either of their minds now.
Besides. It's not like any of this is going to change the way Luna feels, and when it comes down to it, that's the only thing that really matters. At least they can agree on that much, right?]
...Let's face it. We both made stupid, selfish mistakes. We both failed him. [And eachother.] He's really better off without either of us dragging him down now.
[So let's stop this stupid fight.]
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But when all he does is stand and run a hand through his hair, she relaxes. A little. ]
I... I still don't know how you...
[ She has a good guess about what Enoshima had blackmailed him with, but she'd never known for certain. She'd never asked; she'd simply accepted Enoshima's words at face value. Don't worry about him, I've got him handled. You just do your part.
She ducks her head again. ]
So... then... where does that leave us now?
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Only how to make things right.]
Tch. Who knows? The two of us shouldn't be alive enough to worry about this to begin with. [His hand settles on his hip while he looks her over in consideration.] ...My plan's to work off this debt and do whatever I can to help Luna clear his and get him out of here. Until then, I'll do what I've always done. Hang back and be whatever he needs me to be.
[And you?]
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[ Her brows draw together at that in the beginning of a frown, though she's honestly more confused than upset at the moment. ]
Mm, but... you know how he is. When he gets focused, sometimes he won't notice he needs something until it's offered to him. [ Or taken away, though she leaves that part unsaid and just hanging heavily in the air. ] I still think you should tell him.
[ If he does, maybe she can slip away after all. That part she doesn't say aloud, though she keeps her face turned away from him, her shoulders hunched and her arms tight around herself, like she could fold in completely on herself and vanish. ]
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He bites the inside of his cheek while he considers all the things he knows that she doesn't. Observant or not, it's certainly harder to keep track of things when you're dead. That's what he thinks, anyway.]
...I wonder what he does need...
[Bile burns at the back of his throat, and he turns away from Peony completely.]
After you died, he... he went completely unhinged. [To put it lightly.] He killed the Chairman- he tried to kill me. [And Mal wasn't even useful enough to die for him.] If I couldn't keep him from getting to that state then what good am I? He had every right to toss me aside then. I know it's only a matter of time before he decides to do it again.
[Before she can interject, he clenches his fist and takes a step forward to slam it against the wall. Not through it, thankfully, but it does send a tremor even through the ground.]
Even here, we--! [He can feel his throat constricting tightly around his words, trying to hold them back, but it's too late.] We've-- slept together, and I know it's been you he was wishing for instead- [and it hurts] -and now I don't even need to be a fill-in anymore!
[That fear's been on his mind since Peony showed up. No... even before that, he knew that was all he was, and that one day it would come to an end. He hangs his head, the side of his hand still pressed firmly against the wall.
He really is a big idiot.]
...Like I said. He still loves you. So quit acting like he doesn't.
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But the words feel locked in her throat; the most she manages is a small startled noise when he hits the wall. There's a part of her, small and old and long dormant, that wants to scold him for doing that. He's already injured; he doesn't need to hurt himself further. With his back turned, he can't see the abortive half-step she takes towards him, but then--
We've slept together, he says, and she comes to an abrupt halt. What does that mean? Does he mean that they've just -- literally just slept together, or is there more to it than that? From his anguish, it really could be either. She knows full well that his feelings for Luna go beyond mere attraction, and it doesn't take someone who knows him well to read his upset.
It doesn't take someone who knows her well, either, to hear how her voice wavers. ]
You can't be too sure of that. He's not... he's never been good at expressing himself.
[ He didn't call her by name until after she'd died. She can't remember the name itself, but she remembers that clearly. ]
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Yet Luna still caught him so off guard in during the Final Killing Game. Maybe he really doesn't know him like he thought. And hey... None of them caught on to Peony, either.]
...If you're so damn set on it, ask him yourself.
[He doesn't want to hear that rejection firsthand.
He steps back from the wall, turning toward the door.]
Whatever. I'm out of here.
[He knows he shouldn't be walking around too much, but he doesn't want to stay cooped up in here much longer, either. What, and deal with Luna now, after this conversation? Pass. He doesn't really have any destination in mind, but anywhere that isn't here is fine. Maybe he'll go bury himself under a rock again. Ha ha.]
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[ Now she skitters after him, and she's not the injured one. It doesn't take much to dash forward and put herself between him and the door and throw her arms open. It's not much of a deterrent, really. Maybe it could have been once, but right now...
Well right now, she'll take that chance. ]
Would you stop -- you shouldn't be up at all! Don't just run away from me!
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What now? I'm going to go crazy if I can't at least take a walk.
[He'd rather be working out. Beating on sandbags to distract himself from his thoughts. Punching holes in public property. Anything.]
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[ She goes up onto her toes a little, like that'd be good enough to match his height. It's more like some very small fluffy dog bristling at a much larger one. ]
You never even told me what happened in the first place.
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Fine. Whatever. He'll deal with this. What else can he do, right?]
I thought I did...? I fell.
[But of course she wants the full story, doesn't she? He sighs. As long as he's been opening up to her about everything else, might as well throw this stupid story out on the table too. Maybe it'll be enough to satisfy her so he can run away already.]
Some shithead of a spirit stuck me and some brat on top of a mountain and we got caught in a landslide. My leg got caught under a rock for a couple of days. The end. But it's not even broken, it's just a 'bone bruise' or whatever.
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[ In a landslide?! How can he just say that so casually?! Peony actually stomps a foot at that, bristling like she actually could poof up to twice her size, like some deeply offended little animal. I was stuck in a landslide and my leg was trapped under a rock for several days but I'm just going to walk it off?! What the hell, Mallory!! ]
Y... you... you shouldn't even be on your feet right now! What are you even doing here?! Shouldn't you still be in the -- they have a hospital here, don't they?! Why are you even--
[ After stomping that foot, though, she does shift her weight to something a little more defensive, only to have something sticky catch at the bottom of her shoe.
...that's weird, though, because she definitely mopped after she'd cleaned out all the traps, so what...?
For just a moment, she looks down at the floor, confused. ]
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It's not as bad as you think or I'd still be in that hospital! Believe me...
[Really though, compared to being impaled several times and then chopping his own hand off, it's nothing more than a nuisance. The worst part is already over, so whatever!
What's she even looking at down there, his leg? Nah, not unless she can see through his pants. -Oh. But that's where Ethan made a bit of a mess. Mal made a quick job of trying to clean it, but it's still far from spotless. He's no housekeeper, after all.
Here comes one more thing to be lectured about today, he's sure...]
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[ That sounds 100% like her old self, the housekeeper with the discerning eye and ridiculously high standards. She tugs the shoe off to lean against the door to look at what the mess is. ]
--don't think we're done! What is this... strawberry? And--
[ She isn't too familiar with papaya, but she does recognize the third element pretty quickly. ]
...blood...?
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Things just keep piling up. He'd like to wake up any moment now and find out this is all some stress dream trying to tell him something, but of course he has no such luck.
Whatever. Just be honest and get this over with.]
That kid was being a little wise-ass, so I roughed him up a little. [No shame here. It's not like it's the first time he's punched a kid.] Made a mess of the fruit he had, too. Real shame...
[You had so much potential, strawberries.]
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[ She knows exactly the sort of things he's capable of. Never mind the way he was in the ring all those years ago; she'd seen him kill plenty of people with just his fists. And the fact that there's blood on the floor... that's not exactly comforting either.
Peony lowers her shoe again, stepping back into it. Her posture is more defensive than before, but she also just flat out doesn't like the sound of that. She can remember how nervous Ethan had been when he'd said Luna and Mallory's names -- what sort of things have they been putting that poor boy through? ]
So... because he talked back, you went that far? He's just a kid, Mallory. This isn't -- he's a good boy. He helped me out when I first arrived. He didn't deserve it, no matter what your temper might think.
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You should know better than to just trust somebody like that.
[She doesn't even trust him and Luna completely anymore, does she? So why the hell should she put her belief in some brat she's known for a week?]
Something... weird happened, when I hit him. I don't think he's totally harmless.
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[ Kinder than her own best friends, in some ways. He'd been friendly and polite and enthusiastic; and maybe some of that was because he had no reason to suspect her, but... it had been nice, to be treated normally. Like she was the person she acts like (the person that she used to be, that she still remembers like a distorted fever dream), not this ghost that she's become.
Peony takes a deep breath, forcing her voice as even as possible. ]
I'm not totally harmless. None of us are. So what? Whatever it is about him, I don't care. At least he doesn't-- [ treat me like the filthy piece of Despair that I am and maybe I want to pretend too sometimes!! ] --at least he doesn't hate being around me.
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That's what she thinks, huh?
The worst part is he doesn't know if he can deny it. He doesn't hate her, of course. But being around her, being around Luna, being around anyone lately - it's all just a reminder of his mistakes and the things that have hurt him. The people he's hurt. So maybe he does hate it, a little bit.
He exhales deeply, shifting his gaze to the stain at their feet.]
...Fine. I'll get the kid some flowers or something. Happy?
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She'd said it half-thoughtlessly, but there's the confirmation of it right there. It's the sort of thing she might've teased him about once upon a time, just to rile him up and get him shouting, but that sort of defeated response says a lot.
Peony knows exactly what it feels like to be stabbed in the heart, and she can say with confidence that it hurt less than this. She wants to cry, but what rises instead is a detached numbness, which is also familiar: she'd felt like this in the few seconds of awareness she'd had, once the knife had slid home and all of that brainwashing -- all of it, all of it -- had broken long enough for her to know exactly what she'd done, to herself and to the people she loved the most.
Not for the first time, she misses her Despair. At least she could have gotten something out of this.
Her voice comes out quiet, small, flat. ]
Mmm. Don't worry about it. Just focus on what's important to you.
[ Luna, obviously. Peony opens the door and then steps away. He's free to go. ]
Be careful with your walk. It'll be bad if you hurt yourself more.
[ And then she wanders past him, towards her bed. ]
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(The boards are still there, crisscrossing over the damage by the stairwell. He could just break them...)
The cherry trees are in full bloom this time of year, and it's with a bittersweet nostalgia that he passes beneath their fluttering cascade. We'll still be together. This wasn't supposed to be how things turned out.
Ah. What a shame that the company he hates most is his own. Guess he's stuck with that one.]