[FUCKING NAILED IT. Maera sputters out with the kind of stupid, gasping laugh that can only come from a hell of a lot of tension spilling out all at once.
. . . It's not like all of the tension fades, though. The desire he had still weighs warmly on him. It's just a little less uncomfortable now. Mallory saying that, even that damn stupidly, changes things. Way to go being the first one to actually admit to whatever the hell this is! Someone needed to do it, dammit!
Maera lifts his hand to rub at Mallory's ears when he sees them lower, fingers tangling through his hair. It feels so different short like this.]
[He wants to be all indignant about being laughed at, but that's far better than being taken seriously. He's pretty sure, anyway. He'll just fuss about being pet instead.]
Alright, knock it off already!
[Of course, his tail betrays just how good that feels, and he grumbles in defeat. Well, fine. Maybe he'll just slump forward until he's sprawled gracelessly half on the grass, half across Maera's chest, resting his head on his shoulder. MAYBE HE'LL SLEEP HERE, HOW'S THAT.]
Huuuuh? So that wasn't a joke? Guess that means I should be doing something else about it.
[Mallory, you whiny shit. Maera grins up at the stars at the comfortable warmth of their bodies fit together. He doesn't look down as he lets his hand feel its way down Mallory's neck, his shoulders and back, creeping down his spine in a long, slow stroke until Maera's fingertips come to rest at the base of Mallory's tail.]
[A shudder follows Maera's touch down his spine despite Mallory's best efforts not to, and his body tenses in anticipation. Is this really what he wants? The touch feels good, that's for sure, and it's not like he hasn't already found himself in a sexual scenario with Maera before. But it's more that he isn't entirely sure that this is the kind of comfort he's looking for in general lately. Or maybe it's the one he should be. Who knows.
...He's probably just teasing, and so Mallory doesn't have to think too hard about it. His tension ebbs out with a small sigh. He'll play along, why not? It's a nice distraction.]
—I'm not. I'm just . . . going with what feels right.
[Maybe that's a little too honest. It's sure not as confidently flirty as he was going for before. But it is true, and a smidge of vulnerability leaks into Maera's tone. His hand lingers where it is, doing nothing more than rubbing little idle circles where Mallory's tail meets his body.]
Hah. At least that'd make one of us who can figure out what feels right.
[The tail thing still feels wrong, wrong, wrong, but that's no fault of Maera's. It was jarring enough to suddenly be lacking a bundle of nerves where his hand once was - he swears he can still feel it, sometimes - but suddenly having a new body part entirely is on a whole 'nother level. He wonders if Maera felt the same at first. He'll get used to it, sooner or later.
His hand blindly seeks out Maera's face, cradling his cheek to pull him closer so Mallory can press the side of his head to his double's. He doesn't want him to leave or anything. He likes him too much. Just don't make him say something that embarrassing.]
[It comes out because he's not sure what else to say, and he's not sure he should have said that either. What's he sorry for? Coming on to Mallory? Not really. Making him uncomfortable, yeah, if he did, and he's pretty sure that just happened. Maera slides his hand back up and away from the tail to come to rest on the middle of Mallory's back instead. There, that feels safer. He still doesn't want to move away.
Their heads pressed together does feel right to him. That much he knows. When he sighs, Mallory can probably feel it on his cheek.]
[He started it and then ruined it by being a cagey weirdo! He's the one who has no idea what he wants, and has too many hangups to let himself chase after it when he does.
He huffs quietly, frustrated with himself. And then he continues, quietly:]
Being with you feels pretty good. Go ahead, call me a narcissist.
That'd make me one too. But maybe I am. Look at me now, cuddling with myself. What the hell is that?
[It's good is what it is. It's what he wants, and Maera's gotten into letting himself have things he wants lately. It's new for him, but a success so far. At least it is when the other person wants the same things.
He moves his hand back up again to play with the short ends of Mallory's hair.]
Look . . . just this is fine. It doesn't matter what you think you started. I don't care who started it. We can end it wherever we want. Here's good.
...Hmm. Listen to you, being all kind and considerate. A real gentleman. You're right, what the hell is that? You softie.
[But there's an audible smile around his words. He'll admit it - Maera really is a good guy, and you don't even need to dig that deep down to find it. He deserves to be happy and to be loved, and he is the kind of person Mallory can - does - love, too.
So he should just admit that it extends to himself, already. Shit keeps happening to him, but how much of it does he actually deserve? Not zero percent, sure, but maybe not nearly as much as he keeps convincing himself he does...
He turns his head enough to press his lips to Maera's temple. Whatever this is, it's good, and they both should get to have it.]
[Good boy, Mallory, figuring out the truth of things. It's hard not to, in this situation. Even coming from a somewhat better mental state initially than Mallory had, Maera, too, has been forced to admit that maybe he's not so bad after all himself. How can he be, when he likes this other him so much? How can it be that he spends so much time self-conscious and embarrassed—not entirely unpleasantly—over how much Mallory reminds him of himself, and yet he wants to be around him this much anyway?
Makes you think.
He holds still for the kiss, and then turns his face to catch Mallory's lips with his in a quick press. He's not going to push it. As far as kisses go, it could be almost platonic; if two people were ever capable of platonic kissing, it makes sense it'd be them.
[Maera's the softie, Mallory's the narcissist, he wants to jab. Or maybe it's both for the two of them? But it's a little hard to get the words out right now, when he doesn't want to move his mouth from Maera's.
Huh. So that's what it feels like. He always figured his own lips would feel more... rugged, somehow. But this isn't bad; they're warm and comfortable and of course their faces just fit so damn well together. And look at that, they didn't suddenly merge into one person or pop right out of existence. So- screw it. Who else gets to experience the novelty of making out with themselves?
He moves just enough to scoot over so he's more properly over top of Maera, at an angle where he's not going to throw his neck out doing this, and presses his lips firmly against his. His fingers comb through his hair and rub one of his ears affectionately. Yeah, good boy.]
[The great pettings kickstart a domino effect: Maera's tail starts wagging harder again, thumping at the ground, which makes him laugh, which is awkward while kissing, to say the least. He has to break it for a moment to snort and grin against Mallory's lips. And this opportunity could easily be used to pull away, but . . . nah. Nope. He's had inklings for a while now that he wanted to do this, and actually getting to do it, however awkwardly, just proves to him immediately that this is a good idea.
So after that quick giggle break, he leans in again to kiss back properly. The whole arm wraps around Mallory's back, the other one moving to lean against his side, though Maera shies away from that a little even when it's Mallory. He's still kinda weird about touching anyone with the stump, especially in a romantic or sexual context.]
[If there was any tension or doubt left on Mallory's part, it's gone now. What kind of loser laughs during a first kiss like that!! They're supposed to be serious and filled with wondrous trepidation, or something! At last, the mood is very firmly set, and his own tail smacks against the back of his legs as he struggles to hold back a breathy laugh of his own.]
You're a doofus...
[Strong words coming from the guy whose kisses become shorter and sloppier until he's unintentionally bringing on a frenzy of enthusiastic puppy licking instead.]
[Maybe the very thought of "expecting" making out with yourself to be like anything is a weird one, but Maera's not expecting quite that much tongue! Short, sloppy kisses are great and hot. Puppy licking is not. He leans away with a groan, shoving, though not too hard. Just hard enough.]
[SHIT. He didn't mean to do that again. Why is it so easy to get caught up in the feeling of the moment without putting any thought into things!? Is this just how dogs live their entire lives? Actually, that does sound about right, doesn't it. He sits up, scrubbing the back of his hand over his mouth.]
Like I believe that, Dog Breath...
[He brings his hand to Maera's bad arm, feeling along his bicep just to under his shoulder, then trailing his hand back down until it comes to a rest just inches away from where the scarring begins.]
Yeah. Sorry. I obviously didn't mean to get all slobbery.
[In a literal, "this is temporarily but hardcore fucking with your wiring" way. Maera can't blame Mallory for that; he just shakes his head and reaches out to mirror the gesture, his own hand gripping at Mallory's bicep and then sliding down and lingering there. Apologetic, even if he's not coming out and apologizing.]
I was wondering about that back at the sports festival. Honestly, it didn't occur to me right away. I thought maybe you'd been holding back some sexual tension for a while.
[Maera can't seriously believe he'd go around dealing with sexual tension by licking people! Not when his preferred method is to keep quiet about it and distance himself.]
You know... If you asked me back then, I don't know if I would have said I had the hots for you at all. It's not like I'm turned on by my own reflection. But here we are now...
[He lifts Maera's arm to bring it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to his inner forearm, just to see. He holds it there and peers over it at the boxer-boxer.]
Or else it is the dog thing and I can't tell when something is my reflection after all.
If that means you're gonna change back once that wears off, warn me now. A guy can only take so much heartbreak.
[Even in the dark, though, the grin in his voice is pretty clear. There's just something about the kiss to his arm, the same way there'd just been something about touching the scar on his chest; it's all intimate in a way that maybe they can only be with one another. Alien and familiar at the same time. Maera doesn't feel the anxiety he might feel at anyone else touching his left arm like that.
Still, when he lifts the stump as if he might touch Mallory with it himself, he hesitates all the same. Still relaxed, still smiling, but he needs to work up to it.]
I get it. Doubt you're surprised I feel the same way. Maybe it's more like how I feel about Peony. I wouldn't have ever said I had the hots for her either.
Straight guys make stupid cracks all the time about how there's always that one celebrity they'd make an exception for. Peony is ours, but even more valid because we give a shit about her.
[HUFF. That's all that needs to be said about that! Man, who even cares about justifying whatever it is they have going. They're not in a world where people care so much about what is and isn't 'proper' anymore and he's glad for it. If he wants to realize he's in love with both of his best friends, so be it. If he wants to decide he's in love with himself, so be it!
He almost wants to laugh a little at the thought. He tilts his head, angling it towards the stump but not forcing the distance closed just yet.]
So, whatever. I'm broken just the same way you are.
[Weird wiring and disfigurements and all.]
But... I don't plan to break your heart any worse than it is now.
Remind me to get on your ass sometime about how much you call us "broken." Not that I can say you're entirely wrong.
[Of course, if he didn't buy into that some himself, he'd throw a fit about it right here and now, not push it off to some future conversation. It's a hard argument to make, taking the side of any of the five of them not being at least a little shattered.
Maera sighs, and touches the stump to Mallory's cheek, feeling a sickening leap of anxiety in his stomach. Fucking stupid . . . it's not like Mallory doesn't have one of his own. It's not like he wasn't inviting this touch just a second ago!]
My heart's been worse than this. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a time it's been better than this.
...Not that I'm not glad to hear it, but still, I'm not gonna bother trying to have a Moment with you if you're just going to argue with me.
[It might be just a little bit embarrassing! If anyone should know he's no good at this, it should be Maera! ...Whatever. Actions over words, then. He keeps his hand to Maera's arm to hold it close, turning his cheek to kiss the very end of it.
He gets it. Of fucking course he gets it. Mallory's no fan of what he's missing, either. But nobody else will ever appreciate just what these scars mean like the two of them do. Just how deep their love and devotion goes. Anybody capable of that... can't be a complete waste, right?]
That's why I said remind me. I don't wanna argue right now. . . . I've got other things on my mind.
[Which sounds like a come-on, he knows. At least, the words themselves do. There's not much erotic in his tone, though. This moment is one of tenderness, not eroticism—sensuality, maybe, instead of sexuality. At least right now it is. The feelings that little kiss pulls up in Maera's chest run a lot deeper than being turned on by it or something.
It feels like he should have thought of this before now, but it's only now that it occurs to him to grope around for Mallory's stump, too, finding it with his right hand.]
[He'll only be slightly offended if Maera decides to keep it to himself, even though he totally knows they're both that kind of guy. It's not like sharing the same past means they have to share everything here and now, and he gets that, so he doesn't know why the thought of being turned down gets to him like that. It's dumb. Mallory's dumb.
It's amazing how he can have that thought at the exact same moment as the impulse to pull his arm away from Maera's touch out of habit. But he stops himself with nothing more than a strong twitch, leaving his vulnerability to Maera's mercy. It's not like he hasn't held that arm before anyway, but things are different under the water.]
[Once again, it's flirting . . . kind of. He could make it sound salacious and doesn't. Instead he brings Mallory's left arm up to his own lips and kisses the forearm, eyes fluttering closed. All sweet and not much sexual, but . . . it feels important to him.
And it is what's on his mind, even if it comes to no more than this.]
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. . . It's not like all of the tension fades, though. The desire he had still weighs warmly on him. It's just a little less uncomfortable now. Mallory saying that, even that damn stupidly, changes things. Way to go being the first one to actually admit to whatever the hell this is! Someone needed to do it, dammit!
Maera lifts his hand to rub at Mallory's ears when he sees them lower, fingers tangling through his hair. It feels so different short like this.]
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Alright, knock it off already!
[Of course, his tail betrays just how good that feels, and he grumbles in defeat. Well, fine. Maybe he'll just slump forward until he's sprawled gracelessly half on the grass, half across Maera's chest, resting his head on his shoulder. MAYBE HE'LL SLEEP HERE, HOW'S THAT.]
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[Mallory, you whiny shit. Maera grins up at the stars at the comfortable warmth of their bodies fit together. He doesn't look down as he lets his hand feel its way down Mallory's neck, his shoulders and back, creeping down his spine in a long, slow stroke until Maera's fingertips come to rest at the base of Mallory's tail.]
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[A shudder follows Maera's touch down his spine despite Mallory's best efforts not to, and his body tenses in anticipation. Is this really what he wants? The touch feels good, that's for sure, and it's not like he hasn't already found himself in a sexual scenario with Maera before. But it's more that he isn't entirely sure that this is the kind of comfort he's looking for in general lately. Or maybe it's the one he should be. Who knows.
...He's probably just teasing, and so Mallory doesn't have to think too hard about it. His tension ebbs out with a small sigh. He'll play along, why not? It's a nice distraction.]
What're you planning?
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[Maybe that's a little too honest. It's sure not as confidently flirty as he was going for before. But it is true, and a smidge of vulnerability leaks into Maera's tone. His hand lingers where it is, doing nothing more than rubbing little idle circles where Mallory's tail meets his body.]
Could be nothing.
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[The tail thing still feels wrong, wrong, wrong, but that's no fault of Maera's. It was jarring enough to suddenly be lacking a bundle of nerves where his hand once was - he swears he can still feel it, sometimes - but suddenly having a new body part entirely is on a whole 'nother level. He wonders if Maera felt the same at first. He'll get used to it, sooner or later.
His hand blindly seeks out Maera's face, cradling his cheek to pull him closer so Mallory can press the side of his head to his double's. He doesn't want him to leave or anything. He likes him too much. Just don't make him say something that embarrassing.]
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[It comes out because he's not sure what else to say, and he's not sure he should have said that either. What's he sorry for? Coming on to Mallory? Not really. Making him uncomfortable, yeah, if he did, and he's pretty sure that just happened. Maera slides his hand back up and away from the tail to come to rest on the middle of Mallory's back instead. There, that feels safer. He still doesn't want to move away.
Their heads pressed together does feel right to him. That much he knows. When he sighs, Mallory can probably feel it on his cheek.]
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[He started it and then ruined it by being a cagey weirdo! He's the one who has no idea what he wants, and has too many hangups to let himself chase after it when he does.
He huffs quietly, frustrated with himself. And then he continues, quietly:]
Being with you feels pretty good. Go ahead, call me a narcissist.
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[It's good is what it is. It's what he wants, and Maera's gotten into letting himself have things he wants lately. It's new for him, but a success so far. At least it is when the other person wants the same things.
He moves his hand back up again to play with the short ends of Mallory's hair.]
Look . . . just this is fine. It doesn't matter what you think you started. I don't care who started it. We can end it wherever we want. Here's good.
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[But there's an audible smile around his words. He'll admit it - Maera really is a good guy, and you don't even need to dig that deep down to find it. He deserves to be happy and to be loved, and he is the kind of person Mallory can - does - love, too.
So he should just admit that it extends to himself, already. Shit keeps happening to him, but how much of it does he actually deserve? Not zero percent, sure, but maybe not nearly as much as he keeps convincing himself he does...
He turns his head enough to press his lips to Maera's temple. Whatever this is, it's good, and they both should get to have it.]
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[Good boy, Mallory, figuring out the truth of things. It's hard not to, in this situation. Even coming from a somewhat better mental state initially than Mallory had, Maera, too, has been forced to admit that maybe he's not so bad after all himself. How can he be, when he likes this other him so much? How can it be that he spends so much time self-conscious and embarrassed—not entirely unpleasantly—over how much Mallory reminds him of himself, and yet he wants to be around him this much anyway?
Makes you think.
He holds still for the kiss, and then turns his face to catch Mallory's lips with his in a quick press. He's not going to push it. As far as kisses go, it could be almost platonic; if two people were ever capable of platonic kissing, it makes sense it'd be them.
But it could also not be. It's open.]
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Huh. So that's what it feels like. He always figured his own lips would feel more... rugged, somehow. But this isn't bad; they're warm and comfortable and of course their faces just fit so damn well together. And look at that, they didn't suddenly merge into one person or pop right out of existence. So- screw it. Who else gets to experience the novelty of making out with themselves?
He moves just enough to scoot over so he's more properly over top of Maera, at an angle where he's not going to throw his neck out doing this, and presses his lips firmly against his. His fingers comb through his hair and rub one of his ears affectionately. Yeah, good boy.]
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So after that quick giggle break, he leans in again to kiss back properly. The whole arm wraps around Mallory's back, the other one moving to lean against his side, though Maera shies away from that a little even when it's Mallory. He's still kinda weird about touching anyone with the stump, especially in a romantic or sexual context.]
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You're a doofus...
[Strong words coming from the guy whose kisses become shorter and sloppier until he's unintentionally bringing on a frenzy of enthusiastic puppy licking instead.]
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[Maybe the very thought of "expecting" making out with yourself to be like anything is a weird one, but Maera's not expecting quite that much tongue! Short, sloppy kisses are great and hot. Puppy licking is not. He leans away with a groan, shoving, though not too hard. Just hard enough.]
Oi! Again?! I'm not interested in bestiality!
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Like I believe that, Dog Breath...
[He brings his hand to Maera's bad arm, feeling along his bicep just to under his shoulder, then trailing his hand back down until it comes to a rest just inches away from where the scarring begins.]
Yeah. Sorry. I obviously didn't mean to get all slobbery.
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[In a literal, "this is temporarily but hardcore fucking with your wiring" way. Maera can't blame Mallory for that; he just shakes his head and reaches out to mirror the gesture, his own hand gripping at Mallory's bicep and then sliding down and lingering there. Apologetic, even if he's not coming out and apologizing.]
I was wondering about that back at the sports festival. Honestly, it didn't occur to me right away. I thought maybe you'd been holding back some sexual tension for a while.
[Like Maera hasn't been.]
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[Maera can't seriously believe he'd go around dealing with sexual tension by licking people!
Not when his preferred method is to keep quiet about it and distance himself.]You know... If you asked me back then, I don't know if I would have said I had the hots for you at all. It's not like I'm turned on by my own reflection. But here we are now...
[He lifts Maera's arm to bring it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to his inner forearm, just to see. He holds it there and peers over it at the boxer-boxer.]
Or else it is the dog thing and I can't tell when something is my reflection after all.
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[Even in the dark, though, the grin in his voice is pretty clear. There's just something about the kiss to his arm, the same way there'd just been something about touching the scar on his chest; it's all intimate in a way that maybe they can only be with one another. Alien and familiar at the same time. Maera doesn't feel the anxiety he might feel at anyone else touching his left arm like that.
Still, when he lifts the stump as if he might touch Mallory with it himself, he hesitates all the same. Still relaxed, still smiling, but he needs to work up to it.]
I get it. Doubt you're surprised I feel the same way. Maybe it's more like how I feel about Peony. I wouldn't have ever said I had the hots for her either.
. . . Maybe I'm just wired weird.
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[HUFF. That's all that needs to be said about that! Man, who even cares about justifying whatever it is they have going. They're not in a world where people care so much about what is and isn't 'proper' anymore and he's glad for it. If he wants to realize he's in love with both of his best friends, so be it. If he wants to decide he's in love with himself, so be it!
He almost wants to laugh a little at the thought. He tilts his head, angling it towards the stump but not forcing the distance closed just yet.]
So, whatever. I'm broken just the same way you are.
[Weird wiring and disfigurements and all.]
But... I don't plan to break your heart any worse than it is now.
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[Of course, if he didn't buy into that some himself, he'd throw a fit about it right here and now, not push it off to some future conversation. It's a hard argument to make, taking the side of any of the five of them not being at least a little shattered.
Maera sighs, and touches the stump to Mallory's cheek, feeling a sickening leap of anxiety in his stomach. Fucking stupid . . . it's not like Mallory doesn't have one of his own. It's not like he wasn't inviting this touch just a second ago!]
My heart's been worse than this. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a time it's been better than this.
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[It might be just a little bit embarrassing! If anyone should know he's no good at this, it should be Maera! ...Whatever. Actions over words, then. He keeps his hand to Maera's arm to hold it close, turning his cheek to kiss the very end of it.
He gets it. Of fucking course he gets it. Mallory's no fan of what he's missing, either. But nobody else will ever appreciate just what these scars mean like the two of them do. Just how deep their love and devotion goes. Anybody capable of that... can't be a complete waste, right?]
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[Which sounds like a come-on, he knows. At least, the words themselves do. There's not much erotic in his tone, though. This moment is one of tenderness, not eroticism—sensuality, maybe, instead of sexuality. At least right now it is. The feelings that little kiss pulls up in Maera's chest run a lot deeper than being turned on by it or something.
It feels like he should have thought of this before now, but it's only now that it occurs to him to grope around for Mallory's stump, too, finding it with his right hand.]
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[He'll only be slightly offended if Maera decides to keep it to himself, even though he totally knows they're both that kind of guy. It's not like sharing the same past means they have to share everything here and now, and he gets that, so he doesn't know why the thought of being turned down gets to him like that. It's dumb. Mallory's dumb.
It's amazing how he can have that thought at the exact same moment as the impulse to pull his arm away from Maera's touch out of habit. But he stops himself with nothing more than a strong twitch, leaving his vulnerability to Maera's mercy. It's not like he hasn't held that arm before anyway, but things are different under the water.]
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[Once again, it's flirting . . . kind of. He could make it sound salacious and doesn't. Instead he brings Mallory's left arm up to his own lips and kisses the forearm, eyes fluttering closed. All sweet and not much sexual, but . . . it feels important to him.
And it is what's on his mind, even if it comes to no more than this.]
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