[Now her cheeks were red with some embarrassment. It was part slight humiliation, since she knew Mal took her grievances sometimes pretty seriously and went out of his way to help her out. She half just expected to just get a remark for her bitchy laziness, since that had happened before too. Mal had seemed to get her to act on her convictions more, if solely based on just how dedicated he seemed to do genuinely good things for her.
It was very embarrassing. And her conscious kicked at her.
...It wasn't like she could sit and do nothing about it. It would feel wrong to, no matter how lazy or afraid she was to get involved at all with how this society worked.]
Well, I, um. I could write an appeal in case if you run into any trouble. I can fudge an essay.
[She looked into her glass too, as if she were also drinking alcohol. Even though she wasn't.]
Regardless if it was like your old job or not, I...I appreciate it. I knew I was only complaining.
Alright already, quit making such a big deal out of it.
[Now he's the one getting flustered. Even a 'thank you' seems a bit much considering he hasn't even been able to see if he can do it yet! With the way things have been going lately he's sure he'll muck it all up somehow before it's through.]
You'll still have to cook your own pizza anyway, so it's not like there's no catch.
[...Yeah it was true. It wasn't a magic pizza dispensing oven. What a trap. Still, it was cool that he offered. For someone acting so sullen before, it was just kind of nice to do. Hence the mood change for a moment. It was so strange. Back at the room compared to here. What was she supposed to think?
It was difficult to see where her views were placed when he spoke like she would hate him at any given minute...and do something still pretty nice.]
Ah, that was the master plan. Having me get off my ass.
[She was being facetious, so she clanked her glass against his.]
I know when I'm bought. I guess I better crack open the cookbook and see what I could do. I'd give you a delivery discount.
[It actually wasn't difficult to see. But how to prove that to him...]
Edited (I'm banned from phone tags for ten years ) 2017-04-25 01:28 (UTC)
[What a dangerous offer. For reasons that had nothing to do with the couple of extra pounds he was sneaking around that really were hardly noticeable they went right to his tits anyway.]
Alright, guess it's a pizza party of one. Door's always open, I can sneak a slice and not a soul would know. Not even your metabolism.
[She wasn't mean enough to prod about it too much. "It" being That Cake Fight. It wasn't her place to push it more, but...the more she thought about it, the more it was hard to ignore.
What are you even doing, Riye?
She remembered why she brought him here, sure. She did promise they could talk about nothing, but the longer he seemed to act as a friend, the harder it got to ignore it.
She grew stone quiet. Was she willing to go there? Why was she so scared to do so? Was it because she knew of what happened on Valentines' Day? Absolutely. When her offer of diplomacy was knocked down and shut out.
But, didn't it work out for the best? It affected her enough to make her realize what exactly she had to start fighting for, and stop letting things slip through her fingers before she even acted. To remind herself she was stronger than her heart sometimes told her.
But she was still so vulnerable.
She took a risk.
She took all she knew of this evening.
Then she decided to go for it.]
You know, you keep reminding me why I shouldn't run away again.
[Oh yeah, he was going to try to drive her away for her own good, wasn't he? Can't even do that right when it's his actual goal. He downs the last of his drink and turns the cup upside-down, putting it over the funneled mouth of the bottle.]
[Joke. Good joke. She would laugh if there wasn't something serious behind it.
But no, there was a firm point she did want to make. The fact that this whole thing seemed to go back and forth the entire stay at the bar made her all the more focused now. Daria could no longer go back, and let any uncertainty stop her.
She had to stay on track.]
Pizza helps.
[She finished off the rest of her water.]
It's just that you have told me a few times that your past would make me hate you. Maybe it's nagged at me enough, sure. But so far, you really haven't given me any reason to back down. Especially since I simply complained about pizza and you offered even the littlest of help.
[What was the point of hiding it anymore? Trying to hide was the problem in the first place. His secrets had always been a heavy weight shackled around his neck, dragging him down no matter how hard he fought just to keep afloat. But letting it go didn't help him get any air in the end, either. Peony was still gone.
He didn't know which was right or wrong anymore. He was just tired.
He leaned back in the booth, crossing both his arms and legs, and waited a moment to let the warm buzz of alcohol spread from his cheeks to his shoulders and down to his fingertips. Then he fixed Riye with a harsh stare, unblinking.]
I'm the one who let the entire world fall into Despair.
Daria swerved in her chair, completely facing him dead on with a stare of her own. Her heart weighed down, even further than it did before.
He caused the world to go into despair.
It didn't take a genius to know what whose words meant. She bit her cheek, if only to prevent her from speaking. She couldn't say anything, she refused. No bullshit this go around. All suspension of disbelief was gone, her eyes beckoned him to continue. Riye had to handle this.]
[Silence hung heavily in the air over their table, almost like its own barrier between their conversation and the rest of the chatter in the bar. Or maybe Mallory was too tipsy and withdrawn into himself to make out more than a far-away, distorted garble. He kept his gaze in Riye's direction, though his eyes narrowed considerably as they saw glimpses of the past.]
...Hardly a damned building left standing in some cities. Murder, rape, outright endless war everywhere you look. Friends and family turning against eachother. Mass suicides, riots, killing for sport. Children either smothered in their sleep or left to grow up thinking suffering's just how the world has always been.
[Among other things, but that should have painted at least some vague impressionist piece in Riye's head. Mallory rubbed tight, anxious circles around the stump of his arm, his eyebrows twitching.]
But it wasn't. And it wouldn't have been. But I made a stupid decision- a coward's decision, even with plenty of evidence to know it was the wrong one... I chose to save myself at the cost of the world. And I still couldn't fess up to it for years after. Even when I had to watch my best friends suffer day by day for my mistakes.
This place is like a paradise compared to back there, and... I don't deserve any of it. [Agree with him, damn it. Tell him he deserves to suffer. Someone be angry with him. Be disappointed.]
[Riye was so silent, so unbelievably silent that the world could pass her by and her presence could amount to air or dust. She could faze right in and out, and the rest of the world wouldn't even matter to her. The noise became garbled, and all she could hear were the words from Mal's sullen confession.
He was a coward. He was selfish. However it happened didn't matter. He got hit on the head with a dire choice that probably rang inside his very soul. The right thing would be to not care, and do whatever it took for the sake of the world. That was what Riye's morality said. Riye's very strong sense of moral justice that she lived by.
She should be angry.
Mal couldn't confess, he hadn't for years as he watched the world burn. The weight of his choice hammered into his skull with every passing day. Knowing full well what he should have done, but he didn't. Not wearing any sense of pride, but instead he put up his fists in shame. Hiding from the rest of the world instead of taking what he did and atoning properly.
She should be disappointed.
Her friend...the guy who came for her so many times, and spoke with her. Made her feel just a little safer. Riye knew his flaws, and she took the chance for once. Mal never let her down. Sure, he made her mad and annoyed before. Other people have come to her with similar concerns (mainly Ethan), but she stood in her place with it. An duo of outcasts, someone she grew to care about despite everything. The very risk she took even though she had a feeling there was so much under the very surface. Taking what she knew from home, learned here, never turning back on her decision. Even if she paid for it.
She was warned, by others and herself.
Mal, her friend, suffered so much. On his own accord and from the world around him. Riye was stuck between her morality, her compassion for her friend, and her ever growing perspective changing how she saw the world and the situations in it. He hated himself, told himself he deserved to suffer.
Her heart ached for him.
She was angry, sad, disappointed. She was all of it.
It was overwhelming. To the point when it felt like nothing. She couldn't feel anything, her soul growing numb under the weight of all sides of herself.
Her soul looked like it left her damn body, her eyes going blank.]
Mal.
[That was all she could say for a minute. She didn't know what to say. She literally didn't have anything.
Dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT! Why can't I do anything? Why can't I just storm off in self righteous indignation? Is it because I don't know what the situation is like or-
Her brain was in all out war. The most it had ever been.
[That was it, huh? No outburst, no leaving him there? Maybe she was trying to find some way to justify it, to try and salvage her friendship with someone she refused to believe was no good.
Just another nudge, then. Mal's gaze drifted back toward the window, eyes half-lidded, mouth too tired to even frown.]
This place is better, but I'm not. People like me can't change. I keep letting my wants or my fears lead me, and every time I do, someone else gets hurt. Just a matter of time before it's you.
No matter which way she sliced it or diced it, the way how this sounded just came off as...not what she wanted. She promised him and promised herself that this was something she had to learn eventually.
Riye didn't care if she was stubborn. The more she thought at least one thing in her head, it was the idea of getting chased off by someone who wanted it because it would protect her.
No. She finally turned to him, looking like there was something coming back to life?]
...Is that your excuse? You want me to hate you so badly that you're willing to accept that you can't do anything?
[...]
Because, to be honest, I think the person that hates you the most is you.
[She was very firm with her words, but her tone was stagnant. Riye was actually trying to not come OFF as terribly angry, but was she completely serious? Absolutely. After all, she was trying to grip on to the situation now. She had to, she wanted to figure this out. For the both of them.
The fact that he seemed to respond in this way...]
I just...If you needed me to say how much of a bad person you are, calling you out on your past actions, you act like you already took that job. I don't think I could come up with anything worse to say that you probably haven't thought of already yourself.
To be frank then, I don't want to do that.
[She sat there, letting her words stew for a minute. Realizing that they were blunt but still rather directionless.]
...You remember when we met, and what we talked about on the boards?
Tch. You didn't know the full truth then, and... there's a lot left I haven't even touched on. But you should know enough now to know to back out. I know you're not an idiot.
Maybe I didn't know what you did. Nor do I know all of it, sure.
[She crossed her arms, lips finally turning into a frown after that was said and done.]
If you know I'm not an idiot, then you should know I've thought about it really hard back then. No matter how overwhelming things got, all I have is my brain to think through every single possible thing. That's how I survive.
[...]
You don't think I didn't come up with a million scenarios on what you COULD have done? The only reason why I gave you any trust at all was that you never asked to be justified or excused for any of it.
I, Riye, in all of my distrusting and judgmental traits, gave you a chance to explain. I knew it wouldn't be easy to begin to, and I get that.
[She frowned a little bit more.]
I just always wanted you to trust me with it, and I knew I was going to have to deal with it when it came. If it ever did. I told myself that a lot.
I can't know what your world was like, who you met, or what happened. I just know when I see a guy who had to pay hard for mistakes he clearly knew he made. Someone who insists on beating himself up and being an ass to someone who just wanted to be a damn ear.
[Yeah, and he is an ass. He can't even pretend not to care about that anymore. Everything's been coming down hard on him for the past month or so, all that delayed karma he's been racking up over the years.
So what is she saying, then? His head's too fuzzy to puzzle her out. He's just regretting this whole thing, like he regrets every little thing, and he flags down a waiter for another bottle.
He doesn't look at Riye. He doesn't know what to say, anyway.]
[She spoke a hell of a lot for someone still in the middle of wrapping her head around everything. Like if she said what was right on her mind, maybe then she could have some answers.
What WAS she saying? Man if she ever knew. This grew so much more complicated. It wasn't like she wasn't mad or disappointed at him. But was it for what he did or was it for what he was doing NOW?
She motioned to the waiter.]
Throw that on my tab too.
[She still buying him his drinks.
It was silent for another few seconds. She began actually taking some hair between her fingers and scratching the top of her palm. Anxiety.]
[Time to top off the ol' sake cup, which he half-downed immediately. Should he have been thankful? Angry? He felt more hollow than anything right now, but it would probably hit him tomorrow along with whatever hangover he was setting up for himself.]
I'm feeling a lot of things, hate isn't one of them.
[She was fine on drinks of her own, in fact, she got out her wallet and started pulling a number of bills out. She may be paying for his drinks, but not his liver. After this, she was outtie.]
Someone gave me some advice once. Something about not being able to change what happened so I have to move on instead. I thought that was good advice, I may have to keep following it.
[Hint hint.]
So, I have to take things as they come and learn how to deal with it. It's what I do best, but maybe it's most prominent now.
[Screw it, he's just going to drink right from the bottle. So what if the mouth is designed to discourage just that? After a long swig he lts his arm hang off the edge of the table, loosely holding the bottle by the neck.
A second chance to screw everything up, more like.]
Got it. Dealing is what I do. [He's had a lot of practice.]
[This was so difficult. This was the most difficult challenge she ever faced.
The more she now could stew, the more she felt that she did something right. It was slowly coming into more focus. It wasn't like she didn't hear anything distressing, but she knew why she didn't storm off.
All of the other times she called people out for their behavior, it was calling them out on ethics and being so horribly ignorant that they were horrible. Mal knew what he did was horrible, so, there was ZERO point to that for her.
She said that.
Left with nothing to slam him for in terms of what he did then, she saw his behavior. His cagey and self destructive behavior, that was something she couldn't stand to see. She said her piece on it. Riye said all she could have. Yes, she was still sitting here.
She couldn't stand seeing him this way. The entire world crashed and he was letting himself get crushed, even if it meant pushing her away.
Things...just had to come to a head, and what happened next was up to them both. Daria just had to know what she had to do, and when. She hadn't figured it ALL out...but, maybe there was something.
She couldn't say anything else. Actions spoke louder sometimes, she had to learn that herself too. Know when to reach out and let the other person that they might matter, in ways she may not be used to in her own bubble. It wasn't like it was anything she hadn't done before, but she did notice she'd been doing it a lot lately.
She reached up with her hand to touch the arm he left hanging limp off the side of the table.
No saccharine or empty optimism that she wouldn't even believe in herself, but actions.]
[Why do you believe in me after everything I just told you?
About half a minute passes like that, him staring dully at her hand, his expression unchanging from its usual tired glare. His head's a little too fuzzy to analyze the complexities of this moment between them, but there is one clear thought he can make out: he's always been so much better at fighting for those who believe in him than he ever was for himself.
If Riye's going to put that much faith in him, might as well not let it go to waste.]
...Listen. ["Lllissen."] I'm an officer of the Future Foundation... Looking ahead is my job. Building the future and having hope in it, I can do that. Looking ahead is... [Wait, no, he said that. Ah, yes, the sake's really hitting now. Maybe he'll just put the rest aside here.]
Look, I haven't given up, is what I'm saying. [Maybe he did for a second there.]
[Maybe in the days to come, it was going to be some kind of uphill battle. Who knew? Daria just had her instinct.
...When had she ever done something like this? After all of it was said and done, she really put her brain and her heart in a blender to figure herself out. In all of her cynicism and aloof nature, she always wanted what was best.
I believe in you because I want to. I know you can be better.
Looking ahead, hope, building the future, he used those words. A few times, he was slurring. Some kind of hopeful messaging like that can come off as hollow. For some reason, I know you mean it when you say it.
Maybe he never told her everything, but everything from his mouth was always honest. So was she, brutally honest. To almost a fault. While "Future Foundation" was still rather Greek to her, it didn't matter. The sentiment was there.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It was very embarrassing. And her conscious kicked at her.
...It wasn't like she could sit and do nothing about it. It would feel wrong to, no matter how lazy or afraid she was to get involved at all with how this society worked.]
Well, I, um. I could write an appeal in case if you run into any trouble. I can fudge an essay.
[She looked into her glass too, as if she were also drinking alcohol. Even though she wasn't.]
Regardless if it was like your old job or not, I...I appreciate it. I knew I was only complaining.
no subject
[Now he's the one getting flustered. Even a 'thank you' seems a bit much considering he hasn't even been able to see if he can do it yet! With the way things have been going lately he's sure he'll muck it all up somehow before it's through.]
You'll still have to cook your own pizza anyway, so it's not like there's no catch.
no subject
What a trap.Still, it was cool that he offered. For someone acting so sullen before, it was just kind of nice to do. Hence the mood change for a moment. It was so strange. Back at the room compared to here. What was she supposed to think?It was difficult to see where her views were placed when he spoke like she would hate him at any given minute...and do something still pretty nice.]
Ah, that was the master plan. Having me get off my ass.
[She was being facetious, so she clanked her glass against his.]
I know when I'm bought. I guess I better crack open the cookbook and see what I could do. I'd give you a delivery discount.
[It actually wasn't difficult to see. But how to prove that to him...]
no subject
[What a dangerous offer. For reasons that had nothing to do with the couple of extra pounds he was sneaking around that really were hardly noticeable
they went right to his tits anyway.]no subject
[She wasn't mean enough to prod about it too much. "It" being That Cake Fight. It wasn't her place to push it more, but...the more she thought about it, the more it was hard to ignore.
What are you even doing, Riye?
She remembered why she brought him here, sure. She did promise they could talk about nothing, but the longer he seemed to act as a friend, the harder it got to ignore it.
She grew stone quiet. Was she willing to go there? Why was she so scared to do so? Was it because she knew of what happened on Valentines' Day? Absolutely. When her offer of diplomacy was knocked down and shut out.
But, didn't it work out for the best? It affected her enough to make her realize what exactly she had to start fighting for, and stop letting things slip through her fingers before she even acted. To remind herself she was stronger than her heart sometimes told her.
But she was still so vulnerable.
She took a risk.
She took all she knew of this evening.
Then she decided to go for it.]
You know, you keep reminding me why I shouldn't run away again.
no subject
So you can have your pizza, right?
[Ha ha, jokes.]
no subject
But no, there was a firm point she did want to make. The fact that this whole thing seemed to go back and forth the entire stay at the bar made her all the more focused now. Daria could no longer go back, and let any uncertainty stop her.
She had to stay on track.]
Pizza helps.
[She finished off the rest of her water.]
It's just that you have told me a few times that your past would make me hate you. Maybe it's nagged at me enough, sure. But so far, you really haven't given me any reason to back down. Especially since I simply complained about pizza and you offered even the littlest of help.
no subject
[What was the point of hiding it anymore? Trying to hide was the problem in the first place. His secrets had always been a heavy weight shackled around his neck, dragging him down no matter how hard he fought just to keep afloat. But letting it go didn't help him get any air in the end, either. Peony was still gone.
He didn't know which was right or wrong anymore. He was just tired.
He leaned back in the booth, crossing both his arms and legs, and waited a moment to let the warm buzz of alcohol spread from his cheeks to his shoulders and down to his fingertips. Then he fixed Riye with a harsh stare, unblinking.]
I'm the one who let the entire world fall into Despair.
no subject
Daria swerved in her chair, completely facing him dead on with a stare of her own. Her heart weighed down, even further than it did before.
He caused the world to go into despair.
It didn't take a genius to know what whose words meant. She bit her cheek, if only to prevent her from speaking. She couldn't say anything, she refused. No bullshit this go around. All suspension of disbelief was gone, her eyes beckoned him to continue. Riye had to handle this.]
no subject
...Hardly a damned building left standing in some cities. Murder, rape, outright endless war everywhere you look. Friends and family turning against eachother. Mass suicides, riots, killing for sport. Children either smothered in their sleep or left to grow up thinking suffering's just how the world has always been.
[Among other things, but that should have painted at least some vague impressionist piece in Riye's head. Mallory rubbed tight, anxious circles around the stump of his arm, his eyebrows twitching.]
But it wasn't. And it wouldn't have been. But I made a stupid decision- a coward's decision, even with plenty of evidence to know it was the wrong one... I chose to save myself at the cost of the world. And I still couldn't fess up to it for years after. Even when I had to watch my best friends suffer day by day for my mistakes.
This place is like a paradise compared to back there, and... I don't deserve any of it. [Agree with him, damn it. Tell him he deserves to suffer. Someone be angry with him. Be disappointed.]
hhhh
He was a coward. He was selfish. However it happened didn't matter. He got hit on the head with a dire choice that probably rang inside his very soul. The right thing would be to not care, and do whatever it took for the sake of the world. That was what Riye's morality said. Riye's very strong sense of moral justice that she lived by.
She should be angry.
Mal couldn't confess, he hadn't for years as he watched the world burn. The weight of his choice hammered into his skull with every passing day. Knowing full well what he should have done, but he didn't. Not wearing any sense of pride, but instead he put up his fists in shame. Hiding from the rest of the world instead of taking what he did and atoning properly.
She should be disappointed.
Her friend...the guy who came for her so many times, and spoke with her. Made her feel just a little safer. Riye knew his flaws, and she took the chance for once. Mal never let her down. Sure, he made her mad and annoyed before. Other people have come to her with similar concerns (mainly Ethan), but she stood in her place with it. An duo of outcasts, someone she grew to care about despite everything. The very risk she took even though she had a feeling there was so much under the very surface. Taking what she knew from home, learned here, never turning back on her decision. Even if she paid for it.
She was warned, by others and herself.
Mal, her friend, suffered so much. On his own accord and from the world around him. Riye was stuck between her morality, her compassion for her friend, and her ever growing perspective changing how she saw the world and the situations in it. He hated himself, told himself he deserved to suffer.
Her heart ached for him.
She was angry, sad, disappointed. She was all of it.
It was overwhelming. To the point when it felt like nothing. She couldn't feel anything, her soul growing numb under the weight of all sides of herself.
Her soul looked like it left her damn body, her eyes going blank.]
Mal.
[That was all she could say for a minute. She didn't know what to say. She literally didn't have anything.
Dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT! Why can't I do anything? Why can't I just storm off in self righteous indignation? Is it because I don't know what the situation is like or-
Her brain was in all out war. The most it had ever been.
But she was still sitting here.]
B)
Just another nudge, then. Mal's gaze drifted back toward the window, eyes half-lidded, mouth too tired to even frown.]
This place is better, but I'm not. People like me can't change. I keep letting my wants or my fears lead me, and every time I do, someone else gets hurt. Just a matter of time before it's you.
[So run.]
no subject
No matter which way she sliced it or diced it, the way how this sounded just came off as...not what she wanted. She promised him and promised herself that this was something she had to learn eventually.
Riye didn't care if she was stubborn. The more she thought at least one thing in her head, it was the idea of getting chased off by someone who wanted it because it would protect her.
No. She finally turned to him, looking like there was something coming back to life?]
...Is that your excuse? You want me to hate you so badly that you're willing to accept that you can't do anything?
[...]
Because, to be honest, I think the person that hates you the most is you.
no subject
[She hit the nail right on the head.]
You think I should be proud of myself instead?
no subject
[She was very firm with her words, but her tone was stagnant. Riye was actually trying to not come OFF as terribly angry, but was she completely serious? Absolutely. After all, she was trying to grip on to the situation now. She had to, she wanted to figure this out. For the both of them.
The fact that he seemed to respond in this way...]
I just...If you needed me to say how much of a bad person you are, calling you out on your past actions, you act like you already took that job. I don't think I could come up with anything worse to say that you probably haven't thought of already yourself.
To be frank then, I don't want to do that.
[She sat there, letting her words stew for a minute. Realizing that they were blunt but still rather directionless.]
...You remember when we met, and what we talked about on the boards?
no subject
no subject
[She crossed her arms, lips finally turning into a frown after that was said and done.]
If you know I'm not an idiot, then you should know I've thought about it really hard back then. No matter how overwhelming things got, all I have is my brain to think through every single possible thing. That's how I survive.
[...]
You don't think I didn't come up with a million scenarios on what you COULD have done? The only reason why I gave you any trust at all was that you never asked to be justified or excused for any of it.
I, Riye, in all of my distrusting and judgmental traits, gave you a chance to explain. I knew it wouldn't be easy to begin to, and I get that.
[She frowned a little bit more.]
I just always wanted you to trust me with it, and I knew I was going to have to deal with it when it came. If it ever did. I told myself that a lot.
I can't know what your world was like, who you met, or what happened. I just know when I see a guy who had to pay hard for mistakes he clearly knew he made. Someone who insists on beating himself up and being an ass to someone who just wanted to be a damn ear.
no subject
So what is she saying, then? His head's too fuzzy to puzzle her out. He's just regretting this whole thing, like he regrets every little thing, and he flags down a waiter for another bottle.
He doesn't look at Riye. He doesn't know what to say, anyway.]
no subject
What WAS she saying? Man if she ever knew. This grew so much more complicated. It wasn't like she wasn't mad or disappointed at him. But was it for what he did or was it for what he was doing NOW?
She motioned to the waiter.]
Throw that on my tab too.
[She still buying him his drinks.
It was silent for another few seconds. She began actually taking some hair between her fingers and scratching the top of her palm. Anxiety.]
I don't hate you, Mal. I really don't.
no subject
[Time to top off the ol' sake cup, which he half-downed immediately. Should he have been thankful? Angry? He felt more hollow than anything right now, but it would probably hit him tomorrow along with whatever hangover he was setting up for himself.]
So what now, then?
no subject
[She was fine on drinks of her own, in fact, she got out her wallet and started pulling a number of bills out. She may be paying for his drinks, but not his liver. After this, she was outtie.]
Someone gave me some advice once. Something about not being able to change what happened so I have to move on instead. I thought that was good advice, I may have to keep following it.
[Hint hint.]
So, I have to take things as they come and learn how to deal with it. It's what I do best, but maybe it's most prominent now.
no subject
[Screw it, he's just going to drink right from the bottle. So what if the mouth is designed to discourage just that? After a long swig he lts his arm hang off the edge of the table, loosely holding the bottle by the neck.
A second chance to screw everything up, more like.]
Got it. Dealing is what I do. [He's had a lot of practice.]
no subject
The more she now could stew, the more she felt that she did something right. It was slowly coming into more focus. It wasn't like she didn't hear anything distressing, but she knew why she didn't storm off.
All of the other times she called people out for their behavior, it was calling them out on ethics and being so horribly ignorant that they were horrible. Mal knew what he did was horrible, so, there was ZERO point to that for her.
She said that.
Left with nothing to slam him for in terms of what he did then, she saw his behavior. His cagey and self destructive behavior, that was something she couldn't stand to see. She said her piece on it. Riye said all she could have. Yes, she was still sitting here.
She couldn't stand seeing him this way. The entire world crashed and he was letting himself get crushed, even if it meant pushing her away.
Things...just had to come to a head, and what happened next was up to them both. Daria just had to know what she had to do, and when. She hadn't figured it ALL out...but, maybe there was something.
She couldn't say anything else. Actions spoke louder sometimes, she had to learn that herself too. Know when to reach out and let the other person that they might matter, in ways she may not be used to in her own bubble. It wasn't like it was anything she hadn't done before, but she did notice she'd been doing it a lot lately.
She reached up with her hand to touch the arm he left hanging limp off the side of the table.
No saccharine or empty optimism that she wouldn't even believe in herself, but actions.]
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About half a minute passes like that, him staring dully at her hand, his expression unchanging from its usual tired glare. His head's a little too fuzzy to analyze the complexities of this moment between them, but there is one clear thought he can make out: he's always been so much better at fighting for those who believe in him than he ever was for himself.
If Riye's going to put that much faith in him, might as well not let it go to waste.]
...Listen. ["Lllissen."] I'm an officer of the Future Foundation... Looking ahead is my job. Building the future and having hope in it, I can do that. Looking ahead is... [Wait, no, he said that. Ah, yes, the sake's really hitting now. Maybe he'll just put the rest aside here.]
Look, I haven't given up, is what I'm saying. [Maybe he did for a second there.]
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...When had she ever done something like this? After all of it was said and done, she really put her brain and her heart in a blender to figure herself out. In all of her cynicism and aloof nature, she always wanted what was best.
I believe in you because I want to. I know you can be better.
Looking ahead, hope, building the future, he used those words. A few times, he was slurring. Some kind of hopeful messaging like that can come off as hollow. For some reason, I know you mean it when you say it.
Maybe he never told her everything, but everything from his mouth was always honest. So was she, brutally honest. To almost a fault. While "Future Foundation" was still rather Greek to her, it didn't matter. The sentiment was there.]
So, I honestly hope you don't give up.
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